A little quick research revealed the traditional 16th anniversary gift is wax. That's a pretty weird gift, in my opinion... I can literally think of nothing that I would love to receive from my husband that is made of wax, but maybe that's just because I can't break the imagery of wax figures and the scenes from "The Greatest Showman," when our main man attempts that endeavor before building his circus...
But wax. Yup. It's a thing. And honestly after I got through my own personal hang ups with the thought of wax as a gift I couldn't help but smile and consider, "How perfect as I celebrate 16 years saved by Jesus."
Because what better analogy is there of Jesus + wax, right? I'm the wax. I was (and still am) imperfect, undesirable, purposeless... just a bunch of nothing. Then Jesus changed my life forever. He took me, heated me up through trials and tribulations until I melted and was without shape or form and then poured me slowly into the mold of me. Or, better, in the the mold of Him. And like wax, I know I resisted. I bubbled up as I cooled and we had to start over time and time again and we'll keep starting over until my days are done. BUT. He's persisted. He melts me, pours me, tries to mold me into my best self; into Him, and that is our relationship.
I was technically 7 when I prayed for the first time to ask Jesus into my heart; the same age as my oldest son now! Growing up in church and Christian school I knew this was crucial to my eternal security and became overwhelmed with hell and said the prayer and got saved and baptized and all the things you do. Some 7 year olds get it. I didn't. I believe I just did all that because I was a little bit traumatized from some hell flannel board and had a strong desire to see what baptism might be like. It mattered, it shaped me, but it didn't change me.
Then I was 13 and I was in chapel at school. It was a chapel lead by the Juniors and not by an adult. I have NO memory of what anyone said but there's something about the power of authentic teenagers, right? Even as an adult I still admire teens so much and how they can burn so brightly and speak so truly. Whatever someone said really got to me and after spending an awkward amount of time crying in my pew long past when my friends had gone back to class a cool 8th grade girl came and asked me if I knew Jesus really lived in my heart.
I didn't know. So we prayed. And THAT is the day I believe I came to Him for real.
16 years ago.
So what since? Has my life been beautiful and easy and perfect and lovely? Have I received blessing upon blessing? Well, yes. Infinite blessings starting with the breath I first breathed as I entered the world, but also, no... there's still been hardship and life because I'm still human.
Early on in my faith (when I was 14) I picked James 1:2-4 as my life verse. It's stuck with me all 15 years since I first highlighted it in my Bible and claimed it as my own.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything."
I claimed the verse after I got word a friend from youth group tried to kill herself and was in the mental hospital. It wasn't even my trial, and yet God made the words leap off the page and into my heart and boy in seasons that came did the memory of that scripture keep me grounded.
There's been little, every day trials like injury, money problems, praying for a job, car accidents, "what the heck do I do with my life?", parental struggles as a teen, poor relationships chosen as a teen, a plea for friendship as an adult, church hurts, prayers for the healing of a household with the stomach virus (bless)... And then there's been the huge, earth shattering trials. Sexual assault, cancer, losing a dear one, marriage in the wake of one spouses' loss, near death of my husband...
And through it all I've TRIED to keep my eyes on Jesus and remember James' words...
"Consider it joy." Count the fruit. Count the blessings instead of the pain. Remember the good. Don't let this negative or bad thing change you. Be joy. Choose Him. Choose positivity.
"The testing of your faith develops perseverance," God knew. Psalm 139 says He knew all of my days. He knew that man would hurt you. He knew about the cancer. He knew the outcome of Josh's big scare. He knows every single day and He loves me and He is protecting me while still refining me. So be strong. Be stronger than fear and lean in.
"Let perseverance finish it's work so you may be mature and complete not lacking in anything." What's my goal in life? To live pain free? To be the one human who escaped the world unscathed? No. My goal in life is to reflect Him, live for Him, teach Him, and finish well so HE says, "well done." So push through this and carry the joy and keep on fighting.
Am I perfect at this? No. But I try every single day to choose joy and count the fruit and reflect Him because He has given me everything even though I deserved nothing.
There's a song by Aloe Blacc called, "I'm the Man" I love running to...
I been through the worst but I still give my best
God made my mold different from the rest
Then He broke that mold so I know I'm blessed
Wax.
So, God, for all the rest of the years I have on earth let me remember this wax anniversary. Let me never stop choosing joy when I'm melted and refined. Thank You for the very specific life you've given me. For how you created me to be me and how the world needed a me. You do nothing without purpose and so I know I have purpose in You. As you mold me, let me be willing and joyful and when the flame is hot, let me not turn away but lean into you.
Thank you for saving me 16 years ago. It's the day that matters most.
But wax. Yup. It's a thing. And honestly after I got through my own personal hang ups with the thought of wax as a gift I couldn't help but smile and consider, "How perfect as I celebrate 16 years saved by Jesus."
Because what better analogy is there of Jesus + wax, right? I'm the wax. I was (and still am) imperfect, undesirable, purposeless... just a bunch of nothing. Then Jesus changed my life forever. He took me, heated me up through trials and tribulations until I melted and was without shape or form and then poured me slowly into the mold of me. Or, better, in the the mold of Him. And like wax, I know I resisted. I bubbled up as I cooled and we had to start over time and time again and we'll keep starting over until my days are done. BUT. He's persisted. He melts me, pours me, tries to mold me into my best self; into Him, and that is our relationship.
I was technically 7 when I prayed for the first time to ask Jesus into my heart; the same age as my oldest son now! Growing up in church and Christian school I knew this was crucial to my eternal security and became overwhelmed with hell and said the prayer and got saved and baptized and all the things you do. Some 7 year olds get it. I didn't. I believe I just did all that because I was a little bit traumatized from some hell flannel board and had a strong desire to see what baptism might be like. It mattered, it shaped me, but it didn't change me.
Then I was 13 and I was in chapel at school. It was a chapel lead by the Juniors and not by an adult. I have NO memory of what anyone said but there's something about the power of authentic teenagers, right? Even as an adult I still admire teens so much and how they can burn so brightly and speak so truly. Whatever someone said really got to me and after spending an awkward amount of time crying in my pew long past when my friends had gone back to class a cool 8th grade girl came and asked me if I knew Jesus really lived in my heart.
I didn't know. So we prayed. And THAT is the day I believe I came to Him for real.
16 years ago.
So what since? Has my life been beautiful and easy and perfect and lovely? Have I received blessing upon blessing? Well, yes. Infinite blessings starting with the breath I first breathed as I entered the world, but also, no... there's still been hardship and life because I'm still human.
Early on in my faith (when I was 14) I picked James 1:2-4 as my life verse. It's stuck with me all 15 years since I first highlighted it in my Bible and claimed it as my own.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking anything."
I claimed the verse after I got word a friend from youth group tried to kill herself and was in the mental hospital. It wasn't even my trial, and yet God made the words leap off the page and into my heart and boy in seasons that came did the memory of that scripture keep me grounded.
There's been little, every day trials like injury, money problems, praying for a job, car accidents, "what the heck do I do with my life?", parental struggles as a teen, poor relationships chosen as a teen, a plea for friendship as an adult, church hurts, prayers for the healing of a household with the stomach virus (bless)... And then there's been the huge, earth shattering trials. Sexual assault, cancer, losing a dear one, marriage in the wake of one spouses' loss, near death of my husband...
And through it all I've TRIED to keep my eyes on Jesus and remember James' words...
"Consider it joy." Count the fruit. Count the blessings instead of the pain. Remember the good. Don't let this negative or bad thing change you. Be joy. Choose Him. Choose positivity.
"The testing of your faith develops perseverance," God knew. Psalm 139 says He knew all of my days. He knew that man would hurt you. He knew about the cancer. He knew the outcome of Josh's big scare. He knows every single day and He loves me and He is protecting me while still refining me. So be strong. Be stronger than fear and lean in.
"Let perseverance finish it's work so you may be mature and complete not lacking in anything." What's my goal in life? To live pain free? To be the one human who escaped the world unscathed? No. My goal in life is to reflect Him, live for Him, teach Him, and finish well so HE says, "well done." So push through this and carry the joy and keep on fighting.
Am I perfect at this? No. But I try every single day to choose joy and count the fruit and reflect Him because He has given me everything even though I deserved nothing.
There's a song by Aloe Blacc called, "I'm the Man" I love running to...
I been through the worst but I still give my best
God made my mold different from the rest
Then He broke that mold so I know I'm blessed
Wax.
So, God, for all the rest of the years I have on earth let me remember this wax anniversary. Let me never stop choosing joy when I'm melted and refined. Thank You for the very specific life you've given me. For how you created me to be me and how the world needed a me. You do nothing without purpose and so I know I have purpose in You. As you mold me, let me be willing and joyful and when the flame is hot, let me not turn away but lean into you.
Thank you for saving me 16 years ago. It's the day that matters most.
I love the wax illustration! Thanks for sharing your heart in this post. =)
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